Hello again, it’s been a while.
To be frank, I’ve been wallowing in despair for the last couple of weeks.
I haven’t done much with my life, but I’ve done quite a bit. Still, I’m aware that I’m stunting my life by choosing the easy path, and spending every day wishing for handouts and what-if scenarios.
I blame the exterior world, and no matter how I see myself as this new changed version, there still lingers a shadow of unwillingness to accept the reality that I see myself facing.
The reality that only this moment exists.
The effort needed to keep up with my studies had been overwhelming, so I gave up half way through.
Still, my mark improved slightly but nowhere near a high level.
The improvement was there, and I can see just how much effort I need to get a fair chance at getting the results that I want.
And, I’m aware that as I get rid of inefficient mental programs, I’ll eventually cut the effort needed to just the minimum.
So, here we go.
I’ll stand back up on my feet, full of conviction, rolling the dice once more.
This is how I see life now. The best definition using our current day’s slang is an open world rogue lite where the more you die, the stronger you get, until you die for real eventually.
What should I do? Nothing. What shouldn’t I do? A whole lot.
I’ll start with actually reading a book that I’ve procrastinating on for two years.